I was often confused on how time and time again, I would wake up in the morning so strong in my convictions (beliefs) and goals for the day only to find that several hours later, I would be engaging in the exact opposite behavior that I told myself I would never do again. Today is the day I am going to stick to my diet! And then, by 10 pm at night, I’d be surrounded by a pile of candy wrappers and an empty pint of ice cream. For me, the resulting consequence is a few extra pounds, a little harder workout the next day, a shame walk to the scale in the morning and my willpower taking a bit of a hit. For people struggling to live a life free of substances/drugs, the consequences can be catastrophic.
I have met many people strongly immersed in their treatment, doing everything they can to stay clean and clearly on the right path in recovery. They are convicted, absolutely certain, about their beliefs that substances are very destructive in their lives. They have benefitted from being in recovery. They feel better physically, emotionally, mentally and may even be developing a spiritual practice. Life seems to be going their way again!
Then, ambiguity (conflicting belief) starts to creep in. People entertain different types of thinking related to their substance use. Instead of sticking with the belief that the substance is very destructive, they may start to think, “Maybe I can just use this one time,” or “I’m feeling back in control of my life and will have a different outcome this time.” They become conflicted in their beliefs about staying clean and can rationalize using again opening the door to a relapse. This conflicted belief can lead to addictive behavior very quickly.
How is it that we can feel so strongly about something and then hours, days or even years later, engage in a behavior that we said we would never do again?
To understand this, we have to understand how our mind works and where our experience comes from. Our worlds change throughout the day as our thinking and moods change. Our thinking is constantly forming, re-forming and transforming moment to moment. These shifting states of consciousness will bring you different sets of understandings, or data points. If you were to ask me the same question about my life at different times of the day, you are going to get different answers. So, the problem isn’t so much that our thinking and moods are changing all day long, the problems arise when we take all these thoughts to heart believing that they are all true.
What to do about this? We can learn how to catch, check and challenge ambiguous/addictive thinking that can lead to use. All thoughts appear true, but not all thoughts are truthful. People can learn how to question their thinking and understand that their thinking is moving them away from common sense and wisdom. Just because someone has a thought, it does not mean that their thought is true or in their best interest. Learning how to allow thoughts to move through without acting on these thoughts is one of the keys to being able to maintain recovery long term. An “addictive” thought has no power on its own, it only has the power and meaning that you give it. Having thoughts of using are not the problem. It’s when we act on these thoughts that we get into trouble!
“All thoughts appear true, but not all thoughts are truthful.”